she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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