this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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