I wish I could teleport
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My penis needs a shock collar
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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