Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
