Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots