It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
