for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
