Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
