YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize