if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
