Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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