i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
how do you play pong handcuffed?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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