I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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