Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
