like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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