If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize