He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
