Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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