i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
