**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
