My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
