whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
You work out of a Hotel?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
