$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
