just tell him i said nine months
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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