Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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