Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
