And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
