am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
