This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
