I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
