I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
