would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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