So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
