I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Randomize
