Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
