his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
