if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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