brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
