I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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