We won't sleep together?
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
