it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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