At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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