Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
