Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
