I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
