I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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