so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
