all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
