worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
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We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
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you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize