so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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