I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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