i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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