from now on my penis is your penis
do herpes really smell.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
