I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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