You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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