my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
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