I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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