sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
