never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
