If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I need moral support for this bender
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
