How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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