so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
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found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
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