in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
