Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
