Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
