tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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